I'll be back!

So this is it.

After serious consideration and heavy cognitive work, measured by scientifically tried methods of benefit vs detriment... I have decided to leave fair England. (The coin showed "Heads" if you must know.)

Like sinfully delicous chocolate cake, too much fun leaves one laden with guilt. It's high time i returned to throw myself back into some serious study. A new life, a new agenda with new goals! What fun! *Bah* who am i kidding? I just miss the
Punggol Nasi Lemak and a certain blonde haired lass living in Lor 39, Lim Chu Kang.

So no more (bloody annoying) Tube trains, no more late nights at The Rail Way Taveren, no more posh street names like "Mile End", "Bethnel Green", "Dangenham Dock" and "Walthomstow".

Hmmm come to think of it... also no more drunken loose tongued f*ck wits, station closures, pee soaked streets and carbonate thick city water.

Back to MRTs, prawn mee, durians and Nissan Sunnys. Damn those Nissan Sunnys. Them and Toyota Corrollas. Urgh.

I wonder how it's going to feel like. It has been a year after all and i'm so used to London now...

To spark off the festivities, i'm going to book myself a flight on the SIA. If I survive that "Singapore Smile", i'll be ready for anything! I think it's cruel to pay someone so much money to put on fake smile. Don't they know it's hazadrous? What if the smile sticks and it doesn't go away? Pity them...i really do...

Then there's immigration control. There's always this nagging fear that i'd might have unwittingly imported something illegal into Singapore. Like foreign dirt.

Immigration Control Officer: 'Scuse me sir, please leave your
belongings and follow us prease.

Me : Why? What'd i do?

I.C.O (Fishing out thick black book) : Do you know that under Section 369 of the A.Y.E* in Code 443 of the Penal Code (1946) you are prohibited from importing foreign soil into the country.

Me : But i didn't import any soil!!

I.C.O : Look under your boots.

*Arcane Yet Enforced

See! It's dangerous to enter Singapore! Almost anything on you could be illegal or untaxed! I'm not exagerating, i actually did look at the import procedures for nationals entering Singapore...and it does state that unless you can prove that
any artifact that you bring into the country is for personal use and consumption, you are liable for duties and excise on even that Kleenex you bought!

But the real reason why i'm coming back is...*drum roll*...YOU!! Yes, you, my dearest friend who art in Shingle'Spore! How could i have ever given you up for a life of luxury in a winter wonderland? Sometimes i wish i could pack all my friends into my suitcase and bring 'em all with me wherever i go.... or that i would be rich enough to fly all of you guys in a private plane with me. Seeing that I : a.) Have
not enough money to buy that big a suitcase and b.) Have not enough money. period. I decided to come back to you guys instead! Awww...now isn't that sweet eh? Now i'm sure that you'll forgive me if i forgot to buy you that little present you wanted...but since you're such a good friend and i'm so sweet, i'm sure you'll buy me dinner even right?...right?

er...you still there?

On a more serious note though, i'm not really returning for good. I've got some plans and I plan to stick by them. And I shall post them here so that one of you lovely souls may hold it against me should i ever falter from them.

So here they are, my Grand Master Plan for 2006:

1.) Take over the world.
2.) Get my F*UCKIN' degree. It's been too long now.
3.) Stop cracking jokes on world domination.
4.) Learn a new language.
5.) Turn Sports Extreme Singapore into THE authorotative extreme sports site in Asia.


And in 3 years time, i'll be off again!

...in the meantime, i'll continue dreaming of nasi lemak.

What's the bus to Hougang again?